You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
