There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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