I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
