He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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