Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
