From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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