Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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