I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
