Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
