walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bring me that man meat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
