There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
