worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
