If that was your dad, he is hot
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
