You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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