Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
