I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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