After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
