What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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