I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
