I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
