They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
