why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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