Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
