respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
