Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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