this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
