what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
