she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
