you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
