Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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