We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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