your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
