I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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