I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
