Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
