then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
