Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
