I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
