u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
