Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
