i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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