Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
