Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
