He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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