If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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