I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your penis caused this!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
