By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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