so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
