At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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