Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
