I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
