Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
