dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
