So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
