you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic