he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag