She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?