That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These tits shall not be calmed