I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
