Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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