She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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