So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
