That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
