hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
