It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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