my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
