I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
