I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
