no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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